Failure To Launch

Somedays I go to bed with the best intentions of getting my ass out of bed early to get in some activity before the store opens. Its tougher to do in winter with all the clothing but still do able.

This morn I had made plans to ski and when I got up I thought of every excuse I could not to. So I didn’t. And now Im at the store minutes before it opens and now I really feel bad about that decision.

DSCN4553
w8ting for me

It was only 2 degrees when I woke but the weather service said it was going up pretty quick. But what if they’re wrong? I would not be prepared to ski at 2 degrees. But they were not wrong. At 930am it was 12 degrees. Totally doable and exactly the temp I prepared for. One would think at this time of year with all my weight gain over winter I would jump at the chance for some outside activity. One would think. The pic to the left shows the alternative. Every time I walk past that thing up in the storage room I can hear it. Laughing at me. Knowing its just a matter of time before it makes me suffer. Physically and mentally.

In a month I have the Fat Bike Birkie to do. And Im only doing the short one and Im still concerned. My fitness is down and weight is up. That race will be a paid ride.

I used to complain about my weight all the time to the point of nobody wanting to listen anymore. So I stopped. But its still a struggle. A struggle that most of my friends don’t understand. Im a fat guy in a skinny guys world. Somewhat of an anomaly in the cycling world. And I know for a fact it hurts me in the store. Nobody want to buy a high end carbon road bike from a fat guy. But I make due in that respect. In time people realize my knowledge trumps my body weight.

Its true when you get old days seem long and years seem short. I am the poster child for “I’ll start tomorrow”. I remember thinking in December that I have 5 months to spring, no problem. The in January Im thinking I have 4  months to lose the weight, no worries. And Im in the frame of mind right into May Its all in my head. And Im the only one that can change that. So I do complain about my weight a lot. Just to myself.

Today I am right at the heaviest I have ever been. Even before bikes. Even before I got off the couch. How can that be? I ride twice a week thru winter. How can I weigh more than when I did nothing? I dont know. And I cant spend all the  time to find out. I just need to stop it. Somehow.

So here it is. My rant over my own weight. You wont hear about it much anymore. I once started a blog just on my weight loss. Of course failing miserably. It seems I need to hit rock bottom to care. And that would not be a bad thing if I didn’t need to hit it on a continued basis.

But it does take a trigger for me to rant about it. Today the trigger was the failure to launch this morn. I felt so bad about not getting in a hour of skiing when it was easy to do so. So today, I claim rock bottom number 26 (or so) and will buckle down for the umptenth time and try to lose a little weight and eat better and be a bit more active.

And with that said, I will ski tomorrow when its single digits. Near zero in fact. Im going to pull that spin bike out and set it up. A everyday reminder of the consequence of not getting outside for a ride or a ski. For every time I ditch a outside activity its one hour on that thing. After a couple of those I’ll make sure I get outside.

Thus edith this complaint.

DLD

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